2007/08 Diaries
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International Grounds: Ninnian Park Cardiff, Luzhniki Stadium Moscow, Ernst Happel Vienna, Basin Reserve Wellington,
Mclean Park Napier, Stade de France Paris,

Domestic Grounds: Hawthorns West Brom, Ricoh Arena Coventry, Portman Road Ipswich, Oakwell Barnsley, KC Stadium
Hull, Wembley London, Molineux Wolverhampton, Turf Moor Burnley, Britannia Stadium Stoke, Pride Park Derby, Vicarage
Road Watford, The Valley Charlton, Bombsite Road Blackpool, Loftus Road QPR, Chester-le-Street Durham,



August:

Gaz, Seb and Belter were to meet up decked out in pastin gear with cans in hand for the
1st away game to West Brom.  Belter gets on the vodka early doors and its finished in
quick time. It's only 11am and Seb and Belter have already done a pavement pizza. They
eventually find a Social club and it's just like the fucking "Grimleys". Beltz comes unstuck
at pool against the captain of the against pool club team while other punters are going on
about killing people,
so when it starts to get that deep you just hit the bar. Time to move on they hit a Baggies
bar and the only
eventful thing to happen is Seb chipping a tooth playing football with some kids. After the
game it's back to the pub to wait for the taxi and get some supplies as Beltz is stealing
watermelons. Taxi arrives and to the train station, PROBLEM- wrong train station, It's ok
we'll wait for the next one and head to 'Spoons, anyway lifes life and Belters ranting and
before we know the last service to Preston was an hour ago. It's now in search of a hotel
. . . hotel bar that is but this dosen't last at £8 a drink. With hope gone and fucked off by
some tarts from Ormskirk and thrown out the hotel it was looking to be a bin shelter as they
was homeless,  until they eventually managed to break into some Student accomadation
and sleep under the stairs. It's an ironic morning as they got a taxi to a 24 hour supermarket which is shut??!! Gaz uncovers a
perfectly good hotel with vacancies- too little too late! Get train home around the time Priory were kicking off there first
competitive game of the season! Fuck amateur football, Hartleys for a drink innit?

September:

September brings about Coventry and a departure 7 hours before kick off for the 2 hour journey
with Belter, Gaz and Tony on this certain trip. First stops Sainsburys with a special treat for the
driver - a low alcohol beer. Arrive and it's a dire affair, locals are depressed, no food and no SKY,
but don't panic, Gaz'll stick a bit of Abba on. Trick not done, they head off and get the result they
wanted, a shit hot ale house with all the amenitites. After the late game Gaz is on his way home
optimistic of organising a big night out. But half way into his lambrini  that dream was over.

Later on in the month it was "international duty" away to Cardiff. It gets off to a right bad start
at 7.30 am on train station as Belter and Duck are seriously organising a 50 Cent gig. Anyway
it was cans for breakfast and by 9.30 Belter was on the Vodka followed by Brandy followed by a
bottle of wine! In Cardiff the boys were impressing until Belter decided enough was enough and
the Anti welsh chants started resulting in him being given a stern speaking team several time by
the old bill. It was advised to get out of there quick but quick isn't belters game and was collared
by some Welshie's trying to taunt him but Belter wasn't in the least bit bothered. They was staying
with Relatives of Duck,  They were great hosts and the hospitality shown was enough to sobered
the troops up so that we could go out that night. It was then a night on Cardiff and they ripped it up
royal, but as for Curry house, more likely to find a bacon butty shop in a mosque in this city of likely
lads. Next day fed nicely a few pints and back to blighty to meet with a few of the lads for the footy.

October:

Ipswich on the coach was always going to be a massive ask as booze was banned. So with the kitchen light blazing late into
the night like a bomb making factory, gaz got to work concealing his ale. It was a good job as the first question by coach
stewards was hand over the ale. Belter had almost finished his vodka before leaving Deepdale. Ale had made the 5 hours fly
and in Ipswich the shit was about to hit the fan as Gaz and Mash went in search of a lusher and upon finding one the staff
thought the lads weren't a day over 17 and  for giving shit they we're banned. Nearly missing the coach was the least of there
troubles as not only were they last on, there "illegal" cargo had been spotted, The steward and driver had been tipped off and
took there empties as they was read the riot act. They took the wine but forgot the several 2 litre vodka lased pop. Service
soon resumed. At the services they were collared again and got a ban Lee Bowyer would have been proud of.

It’s a strange one as Blacky and Fossil head to Russia. So it started with a Manchester – Prague – St Petersburg stint and after
2 hours sat with Ladas’s and Skoda's we make it into our quite plush apartment.
We did all the tourist shit while there as you do. Sarurday night came and we hunted
a British bar – The Liverpool – To watch the rugby World Cup semi, We made it our
own as around 30 English joined us. It was a memorable night as England crushed
France as we headed out in to the bitter St. Petersburg night ale’d up. Get back to
the apartment and doors only fucked, so Blacky spent the next 10 minutes as a
human wrecking ball knocking the fuck out of a 2 inch thick metal door, Once in the
door was well and truly fucked.
Next day was a day at ease, as we made our way on a 8 hour journey to Moscow on
the train, The snow was drifting and the booze flowing. Into a damp miserable
Moscow, a Burger and straight to a drunken slumber. Monday and Tuesday was
spent doing all the Tourist sight seeing trail in the midst of a red herring run to the
British Embassy for tickets. The Stoke lad who tipped us off forgot to tell us we
needed to be a member and when I was found to have travelled without even being a
EF+ member, the shit hit the fan and Blacky and Fossil was enemy number 1
By this time the Yorkshire contingent had pulled in and was in formidable numbers, so Blacky spent Tuesday night up at there
hotel eating Chinkys and drinking bleach like vodka. One thing that was noticeable was pockets of England fans pissing with
blood who’d been attacked in and around Moscow. The Russians were
holding vantage points near tube stations and outside hotels attacking fans,
but they was no where near the hotel packed with 2000 England. Police ended
up shackling thr door and no one was allowed to leave so I had no where to sleep
but remember Stan who we stuck up for in Estonia, in a lovely return gesture he
put Blacky up on his floor with all inclusive ale.  
Breakfast with the lads and back to central Moscow for a few more hours
shut eye before a taxi to the ground and no sooner had we made it into the
Russian end we are back out on our arses so round to the England end for a
chance to slip the net, no chance. After arguing the toss and a bribe to the plod
we’re in much to the disgust of some people who I’d seen in the queue previous
day at the embassy. Game over we leave and lose our crew, so with no money its
hood up, head down and a 2 mile walk back to Moscow thinking one false move and
it's curtains. I’d met Clarky in Tel Aviv and he was only in same digs so tail between
legs we head out to a local bar and it gets to 6.30am before we get our heads down. Its 10am and we head for Moscow airport
to fly home. On Arrival in Manchester we get the big pull by customs who take great delight in relieving us off our goodies,
fucking horrible bastards that they are. 2 words never again.


November:

Barnsley away, Blacky, Belter, Seb, Duck and Gaz just about suited and booted going to the
football - Strange. Well we was on best behaviour as we were guests of honour to the Barnsley
lads from the England games. However the ale was still there and lots of it. To pass time i'd put
a quiz together, Odds were available on the winner and Gaz was laughing all the way to the
bank! By this time some old dears were taking a interest and Mash was returning the mutual
feeling a lit bit more than he should have at there age. I'd already had 2 bottles of wine and went
shopping for my third, this lead to a brush with the law at Leeds Station but we gave as good
as we got to the Old Bill. I'd organised a Match kitty with various scores and Gaz was chuffed to
pull - MATCH ABANDONED. Arrived in Barnsley and our states didn't go down well and was
told to put a lid on it as it was "posh round 'ere". Round 2 of a stern talking to from the Police.
Belter weren't letting them get away with this as he was hurling for sale signs about as the
Police started to tail us in the van. In to the Exec boxes I think we was all fucked but Blacky
just wanted his pint of wine - No chance!!! We was to be on the next Barnsley programme and
this was of Belter licking a old guys head. We think the Barnsley lot was quite glad to get rid of
us. Blacky ended up stalking some under ager's around Leeds before heading for tea. Now
big lad was a bit peckish and this left him with 2 big bags of Mcdonalds and was delaying  
progress to catch the train, leaving Blacky getting on one for Middlesborough by accident
as the Preston one pulled out.
Off Gaz and company went without Blacky, but Gaz had all the tickets and Blacky was fucking
hammered. Gaz, Duck and Seb knew they had to collect the big man so changed to return at
New Pudsey to go back. Beltz had to head home for the biggest fireworks display on the planet
hosted by everyones main man- Dave Slater! Upon return Blacky's reputation for falling in love with ethnics took a whole new
turn as he was found arm in arm with a Chink. Once we brushed an aggressive tramp off he was on bottle 4 of wine before
passing out. We returned to Preston in 1 piece and once they got Blacky out of a bush, we was on the night out.

With Belter driving me, Gaz and Carl were the passengers for Hull away. Breakfast stop
and we are on our way with a quick pit stop for bookies as the wine was going down a
treat. On the way i'm trying to get in contact with the Chink i'd met on the way home from
Barnsley to no avail, a fucking bloke kept answering - TWAT. arrive and the thieving
Yorkshire twats do me for £20 for 4 doulbe vodka Heartburns. Apparently I gave the Car
park attendant a bottle of wine, Anyway on to the ground we get the flag up and a little
pissed it's tops off to which i receive a right slating from the Hull fans, and you know
what I say "if you can't beat them, join them" so a right good Nipple licking while giving
a little jig puts them in there place. As a season ticket holder for a 10 year period, 100
different grounds and other vast amounts of money I've put in to the club out of my own
money, this was by fair the worst performance I'd ever seen so, I thought right thats it, Nothing's going to get done stood here
grumbling so it was time to save my club and vent the frustration and that what I did.
Game finished I fancied confronting Simmo but Gaz and Mash convinced me it wasn't the
right thing to do. We ended up in Hulls "main" pub, but with a 3-0 win over us there boys
could have no beef. Eventually make it home, again no night out so Gaz decided to try to
become a home wrecker as he tries to convince himself is a better prospect for the lady
of the Doyle's house.

I was to meet John W from Leeds in Vienna so It was a lonesome start to Austria via
Zurich. Arrive in to Vienna and the British Old Bill are  tramping my toes again.
Brush them off and to the airport bar for a few hours getting plastered while watching the locals gather for the England teams
placards saying “I Love you Wayne Rooney”, “I want your babies David Beckham” and “Steve Mclaren you are the biggest
fucking waster since Taylor … Cha”. The snow is falling heavy and it’s a wee bit nippy on the nipples but the wine is a comfort
and I catch the bus as it ploughs its way through snow and slush arriving in Central Vienna where my hotel is literally just off
the square. After a few false starts to find the correct street with the hotel I’m in and checked in and straight to the bar.
Not long after John appears, He’s had a hard time after certain problems in Russia. Anyway I have a previous appointment in
my room to attend to so I leave him with a bottle of Asda wine I’d brought.
Deeds are done. But John manages to swing a favour and he’s away for an
hour doing his errands. Eventually we are out in to Vienna and into a strip
club. John talks to the talent while I share a pizza with some Russian
madam. We get a taxi to another joint and John being John speaks as blunt
as a cunt and is telling the driver in his way he wants no shit stripclub. We
pull up outside another gentlemans bar and John says he’ll go suss it out.
As soon as John disappears boosh cars off with door open banging
several other cars and taxi driver starts saying “just me and you now me
and you”. He’s told in no uncertain terms to stop the taxi, of which he
refuses so I’m left with no option but to strangle the cunt into his own seat.
He slowly comes to a stop, I get out and he screams off with 2 doors still
opening banging fuck out of stationary cars and for his trouble I boot his
bumper in with a kung fu kick which I coincidently strain my groin. It’s a
long walk back to the hotel in the early hours through 1 foot of deep snow.
Next morning out for breakfast followed by a wander to one of the
markets were we end up supping wine out of the snow. We are waiting for
the rest of the “pudding” contingent arriving. We form an awaiting committee
at their chosen hotel. The afternoon is mainly taken up drinking in several bars
and larking about in the snow. We end up back in our hotel supping before
getting a taxi to the game. The taxi drivers a foreign cunt and plays stupid
pretending not to know were the stadium is, Patience eventually runs out and
John gets out and tells him to fuck off, the old cunt of a Turk didn’t like it so squares up, which results him being led in the
snow shouting for the police with his Police Alarm on his taxi going. We just stroll off and get on the subway.
We arrive at the ground late, cold and pissed also missing the national anthem (which consequently is the best part)  so at half
time taxi’s back to the hotel and it’s a right result as we end up sat with a Norwegian Nurse’s convention. We are back supping
wine even before the end of the game and until the bar shuts. No result with the nurses.
Up late and a very quick pack and we catch a taxi to the airport. We have the last supper in the airport bar before John heads
off to Heathrow and I make my way back to Manchester just in time to watch Israel v Russia in airport bar, However I’m
disgusted to say it was Scotland v Italy. Italy score I jump up in celebration to the disgust of the other dozen jocks and I head
out pronto to get my lift home.


Blacky, Gaz, Mash, Duck, Lyndon and Gordy were to head to Wembley for the all important
final qualifying game against Croatia only having to avoid defeat to book our trip to the Alps
in summer 2008. The early signs weren’t good when we had to evacuate the train at Wigan.
Into London and to our hotel, The Hilton only 100 yards from the new home of football. A
photo with the the Sir Bobby Moore statue, and a few hours in the fitness club preparing for
night out and we was in a taxi to London straight to a steak house and after a tip top little day
things go a bit shit from here as we was refused entry to just about every bar in the West End.
Getting a bit hacked off I leave the lads to go to a nightclub full or Africans in Senegalese
tracksuits while I went on a solo to Yates. Duck ended the night by being chatted up by a
Chesney Hawks lookalike over a burger.
Matchday we sniff a fry up café and while smashing a pork farm up I get a call to be told I’m
only in Nut’s licking my tits at Hull 2 weeks ago. Back to hotel for a swim and sauna before
going to get ready for the game with a few beers. Now as you know, it's never easy for big lad
to have a straight forward trip, and as “Preston Away Travel” tour representative, I was called
to reception, this is were you think which twats shit in the Sauna, so off I trot to reception and
was told that as a group of 6 lads we wasn’t there usual clientele and would we wear PINK
wristbands to identify ourselves. Head up to ground all the while Duck is busy “barffing his
cock off”. By fluke we was only 20 seats away even though we had bought in different sections.
The RAF did a lap of honour which was duly boo’d from the Croat’s AKA cunts. Everyone knows
what happened next so won't go into it but a few lads head to bar to try a lighten there spirits up
as we watch the idiot on the idiot box refusing to resign,  We make light of them losing the San Marino ball in the South Africa
draw but the lads are hurting in different ways, anyway fuck to it we’ll make our own European tour as we have booked a
bounty tour to the tax free paradise of Luxembourg and it’s a early train at
6.30am.
We awake at 4am and we are seriously considering fucking it off, we are
tired, depressed and its cold and pissing down outside as the floodlights
still shine at Wembley. I was depressed to hell, we eventually decide to get
down with this shit, awake Gaz and leave Gordy and Lyndon in bed for the
return later home (More about that later on) as we get the 1/2 mile taxi to the
tube station and head to Eurostar. We are eventually speeding our way to
the continent full of business boys as we get started on Gaz’s Boddingtons,
much to the dislike of the locals. We eventually arrive in Luxembourg City to
Mike Bassett like chants of “Luxembourrrg Luxembourrrg Luxembourrrg”.
Duck’s only left his return tickets all the way back to Preston on the train so
back we go and there no were to be seen. 2 hours rooting in bins and after
England fans exploits here in 1983, not a chance they was going to help us.
Duck bites the bullet and buys himself a new return ticket to London. Too
late to get to a cigs/booze warehouse we decide to do the next best thing,
a walk around the Red Light District, a Mcdonalds and a few beers.
We start to make our way back through Europe sleepily with some ale
in time for the Eurostar were we are back at the antics again. I kill two birds
with one stone in the toilet, leaving me hot, sweaty and smelling of shit while
Mash takes a fancying to some bird and while at the bar takes in the smells
of her seat. We’ve cleared the carriage apart from one Frenchy that’s loving the entertainment. Back into London we go from
rags to riches and are in some stuffy Kings Cross hotel as we finish the night in some Jazz bar.
As you may remember we also had Lyndon and Gordie on board. We’d left them Thursday morning as we headed to
Luxembourg. They were due to get a dinner time train back to Preston. They’d been down in the bar till all hours entertaining
as such, and so overslept, they then got a taxi to Euston costing a fortune only to miss there train. They get the next one,
however with there tickets not for that train, it starts to kick off with the conductor who aint playing game, with the threat of the
police Lyndon put it on his card for both and get off at Stoke, a burger and a Stagecoach later are back into Preston – Not
happy chappies at all.
It’s now Friday, we head for breakfast, or a fucking Jacket Potato in Gaz’s case and it’s not long before we are heading back to
Preston, with Duck having bought a ticket to Rugby for £30 in the hope it will only be checked once. Arrival is prompt with
Duck getting back no danger and I’m off home to change my case from Jeans to Shorts as I head to Morocco the very
nextmday for a few days R&R.

December:

Wolves had 3 new debutants on in the form of Conway, Ed and Nez to join Duck, Mash and
Gaz. Nez was in a horrible little white number that had never been worn and cost a ton, Beltz
had black hair and Conway had a Goatee all the while Nez joined Beltz on pints of rum and
vodka respectively. Arrived Wolves and it's no surprise Ed trashes the womens toilets all the
while Ed and Gaz smash there way through a bottle of Baileys. At the Hotel, form dosen't get
much better as one pisses himself, a few ale'd up, a few passed out and the person to be
checking the boys in drinking Baileys - from the bottle. No surprise they end up homeless,
they head to the pub before being thrown out for being sick. Nez is left looking for hair dye as
the rest go to the game. Conways doing his best to get the crowd going by going to the front
topless and singing. Ed who'd already been wrapped for smoking in a Spar decided to jump
the fence and walk the pitch, he got away with it but upon second time, he was out on his ear.
We lost 1-0. Ed had been arrested and was due back in court later that week as Belter found a
few spare hotel rooms. In the room nezz had a bottle of rum and was in gloves dying his hair -
ginger as it turned out while Gaz and Belter was busy being sick in the bath and trashing the
room. All went there separate ways for tea apart from Ed who got nothing, and after Gaz and
Conway convinced some OAPs they was a Bryan Adams tribute band it was Wolves for the
boys. After a night on the tiles a few went to see the red lights of Wolves and as Morning came
Nez fucked off to Northampton for a new adventure, While the rest hit Wolves but it was a bad
day as they were to become serial twats . . . according to other people.

Our last game of 2007 was to take us to East Lancashire/West Yorkshire. This was a strange one as there was no ale and it
was about the result with just Mash, Gaz, Seb and Maxi going. It started with a brew at Maxi's and the trip was spent piecing
the previous nights antics in Preston together. Wasn't long before they got there and Maxi was playing Russian Roulette by
talking Bastard Rovers. Great win after 10 months of waiting, and on the way out, our boys was offered a ruck with Burnley,
but Mash not fancying it told the thick cunt he was Burnley with his Nobbers shirt on full display.

January:

With Sheffield Wednesday a no go on New Years we made our presence felt at Stoke with Mash, Duck, Gordy, Gaz and Blacky
going. It was a cassette only journey but Gordy was more assed about his phone floating in the shitter from the previous
night. Eventually arrive via a few fair broken rules of the road thanks to Gaz's driving and find a pub. A few split off and while
the others joined us, for the second game in a row bumped into a bit of bother.
This was also the game Hurricaine became a offical member of PrestonAway
handing me several hundred quid in the back of the stand for Belarus having
never met me before. We lost and it was a rather quiet journey home . . . until
Mash spilt his drink of Gordie's seat and all hell broke lose

Derby in the cup was always going to get a few more on it and it did with JK
and Dave Swindells joining the regulars Gaz, Beltz, Duck, Blacky, and Seb. It
was a early start and apart from nearly going Llandudno by accident the
usually ribbing of JK pursued while Dave was tortued for getting a coffee as all
the men was on ale. We had a inflatable pair of boobs on the trip but it didn't
go down well as Belter caused a bomb scare at Sheffield. Ale in lockers and
we did a bit of a lusher tour in Derby which uncovered a cowboy and a
"waterlogged" pool table. Belter, Jk and Dave decided to get naked in
this giant killing before we headed home to celebrate long into the night
in Preston

February:

We was to play Watford Away but it was also Blacky's Birthday so with him organising it was never going to be straight
forward - a night in Northampton. Blacky was driving Northampton then it was choo choo to
Watford. We had a crack at old Flame Emma Mitchell going to no avail. Upon arriving we
checked in while Nez kept his distance looking dodgy as fuck stud in the middle of a park.
Nez stayed on a solo in Northampton and Blacky finally got supping on train where he met
a nice lass and impressed Gaz with his chat up line to her, feel free to use next time your out:

"i can't look straight at you girl, your eyes are such a deep blue that there
like the Mediterranean sea and they dazzle me, i have to look away"

Blacky was in love again and christened it with 3 burgers, but the mood soon changed as
we discovered no booze was on sale at the ground. A decent draw and we was heading back
to Northampton as Blacky and Gaz smashed there way through some wine and Baileys.
Supping continued in the room and wasn't long before we was out and Blacky was drinking
wine - bottle by bottle. SHOCK - Wasn't long before Blacky was on his way home but we'd
meet again. Bar to bar we ended up all splitting up until Gaz and Nez ended up slipping home
only for Nez to have a change of heart and go back out. As Gaz returned he found Blacky
passed out in reception with a huge crowd thinking he had gate crashed. Next morning we
are shopping for Sponge bobs for Gaz so he could go to the pool. Wasn't long before we
was out of this town and rolled up at Rugby for the League Cup Final. As the lads watched it
Blacky stayed in the motor in the high street and shall we lets say the windows ended "steamed up" which resulted in having
to change his boxers.

March:

It was just me setting off to New Zealand but I was due to meet Carl in
Wellington. So a few red wines and a shuttle to London before taking
the flight to Tokyo. Not even 12 hours in and its kicked off with some
tree hugger as I’ve took exception to him using my legs as a pillow, I'm
Enemy number one on the plane - standard. Into Tokyo Airport and
surprise surprise I'm pulled in by immigration, They end up going
through my bag and when the unveiled my 15 foot by 8 foot England
flag in front of 500 people, it was priceless, bit of a England swagger
and a “see if I give a shit” later I’m in my digs for the next few nights.
The next few days was spent supping beer and wine, Watching football,
gambling and visiting strip clubs along with a few hours sight seeing.
It was a good life. I’d spent 3 days in Japan and it was time to leave the
land of the rising sun. It’d been eventful and a great crack. Pissed up I
was asleep even before the plane has left the airport gate as I slept 8 of
my 10 hours journey to New Zealand. In to Christchurch, More fucking
aggro from the immigration and it’s only a short flight to Welligton were
I meet Carl and end finish the night spewing all outside Barmy Army pub and falling asleep in a bush and later semi naked in
Hotel corridor. The next few days are spent in familiar scenario, early doors to the Basin Reserve, On the ale, out on to the
town on the piss with characters such as Torquay, Eyes. Whitey and co, Doom and Gloom, Huddersfield , Boring, etc etc.
A series win see’s a rather hung over start to our road trip as I turn up midday still half cut as we catch out train up to
Masterton. Its like fucking Burnley . No one goes to work,
there all sat outside in flea ridden sofas supping through
there 4 teeth like hell. A quiet night gives us a fresh start as
we head to Dannervirke. Its only a hour and we soon find
a decent little gaff, and are singled out for a dressing down
that there’s to be no trouble. Cheeky cunt. Then the most
amazing thing happens, Whitey’s only remembered we are
to stay here and is literally 3 doors down. So It was always
going to be a hectic night and after haggling the price of a
bottle of wine to 5 quid during happy hour and cleaning
there wine stocks out in the sports bar (was really just a
old room with a tv, juke box and a pool table) we were
chugging like no ones business. Its then off to a casino,
again just like a social club with a few “Argos poker” sets.
Again day after we are on the move as we wait for the 2
hour late bus, but if you see a Eddie Hitler lookalike, you
can easily amuse yourself.
Hastings is dead, so it’s another early night, only my
second in 14 days before “Splash Planet” and comphensive
win of mine over Carlos on the golf course. Good Friday it is
next day and EVERYTHING is shut so first things first, get the ale and boy did we. Whitey has promised us a lift and true to his
word he does, straight to the ground to hang the flags  then back to his more a slap up meal thanks to Jo. The days take the
form of sitting in the shade at Mclean Park supping beer watching England get a huge win, supping up town at night. The last
day after Victory we head for a game of golf and a bit of shopping. It nearly
kicks off one night as two little Kiwi rascals can give Anti English shit but
can’t take it and chases us up the road, a case of broaden your shoulders
and take 3 steps forward with a growl and next things its all handshakes from
them – shitbags. Last night is spent supping with Whitey’s family, Spiv and
his missus before an early morning flight to Auckland, time for a mooch
before our separate flights to Los Angeles. We leave at 9pm arriving same
day at 12pm, How you ask, we flew “back in time” over the dateline. In L.A.
Carls got beers in. But the exciting thing is even though I arrived later than
Carl I hadn’t felt the effects so much and had been to my previous haunt when
residing in L.A. – The British Bar. I met a architect that reckoned he lived next
to Becks and unless this was a regular stunt rung him and had me talking to
his maid who knew he was in France ( France v England 100th cap). He had
the suit car and money in wallet to match. Anyway a bite and we called it a night
as the next day we was to head to Mexico . It’s a early start and we meet up and eventually are on our way to Tijuana . We get
down and It’s a strange old gaff as we have Viagra and steds offered on the street. A good day and we are back for last orders
at the British bar and some decent tucker. Again we are up early as I said I’d show Carl some movie homes and go Universal
Studio’s, I've only fallen in love this time with an Aussie called Trish Hill as we stalk her round Hollywood. By night its another
easy one and a bit of shopping. Again we are all go on the Sunday as we head for some designer gear from Rodeo Drive. We
see our hero Dennis, the lad who took us to Mexico and “do Cwoffee” as they say. Before we know it, its hugs and back
patting. We’d done, English victory on the other side of the world. A magic moment.

Charlton was to rear the same crew as West Brom earlier on - Mash, Gaz and Seb on the train.
Gaz being Gaz had prepared a picnic fit for a king but it didn't make it past Milton Keynes. Seb
was doing his best for international relations with a top ethnic quote to a Paki about his trip to
London, "Ive only been about 3 times and im engli erm... from Preston". Belter quizzed in him
in great detail on his sex life before a drinking game ensued as the lads goaded the poor
muslim to have a drink, of which they did to Seb's recent engagement. It was only ever going
to go down hill from then as Gaz got the spongebobs out while doing a bit of sight seeing
while Mash was busking, before eventually making it to a lusher for a pre match drink before
a memorable win. A £67 taxi later the boys arrived at Euston all in no fit state. Ale picked up
and it was a victorious train journey home headed by everyones main man Minty, It wasn't
too much of a surprise as they ended up in Squires after a 22 hour day.

This was the one everyone was waiting for at the start of the season, a chance to invade
shitpool and after our defeat at Deepdale, revenge was on our minds! Gaz, a Police searched
Mash and and all time first - Laura Swin the away day bird. Train journey soon passed and
PNE arrived on mass. The police were soon over to tell us to sup our Stellas. In Blackpool,
we met up with Gordy Moss and Kayleigh who had spent the night in a B&B. Pub shut it was
to an Offy to get supplies. A bit of a bore draw and its a few beers at Gordie's hotel before
blagging the way home to a Saturday night in Preston.

France Away brings a group together we shall call the “Lunatic Fringe” friendly with PrestonAway. The taxi turns up five
minutes early. Quick check for passport/euros/ale and straight to the café for ale and a breakfast where they get a new recruit
just like that who will join us the next day. Been a problem with flights so next best option – mini bus to London and the
Eurostar so it’s a case of 16 blokes, 16 bags and 16 crates of ale.
Eventually in to the Euston Flyer, and we was recognised by the barman
as 3 weeks earlier we’d spent 7 hours getting merry here after being refused
entry to Charlton. Now the fun begins as one young Saudi Scoundral does
honours of checking in with the fit bird at the desk. Next thing she signals
the “sixteen are here..!!” Que for London's finest plod to appear. Questions,
finger prints, passports,all taken away. The train rattles out the station minus
16. They are eventually allowed to travel minus a couple who will catch up
later. We get on the next train a hour late minus 4 with two officers in toe on
a trip out at the expense of the taxpayer - Bastards.
Arrive in Paris and to the hotel were the silly French slut says that it’s now
sold out as they turned up later than expected so a sit in protest ensues – in
the bar of course helping themselves to the fridge telling her to sort it or else.
The rest of the lunatics arrive via plane train and ferry.
The night turns into morning and we are now in a hotel near the airport
fucking miles from anywhere. Some get up early in the morning straight to
ground leaving most lads dead to the world as they try to sort tickets out to
no avail, so what’s a man going to do – sup in the Red Light district! The French police are trying sniff trouble but everyone’s
happy getting ale’d up and a right little result on the tickets front, it’s in with the frogs but no danger, a right result. Games
finished and we are still on the ale before catching Eurostar back to the promise land, few jars in London before the train
home on a top trip for the boys.

April:

Our Final game of 2009 was a early start to QPR with Gaz, Belter, Black, Duck, Seb and a
. . . Pineapple rolled up. Mash was on the Kestrel as we share our carriage with a grumpy
Farmer Giles, Pompey fans to Ducks delight and 4 old birds. Booze into lost luggage and
straight to the bookies which looked like it had just been built that morning. We was to
meet one of Blackys mate but he was having a bit of lumber with the local bobbies. It was
a busy old time in London this weekend with lots of London teams at home. Mash is
busking yet again, he really comes alive in London but pressing a emergency button
direct to the police was enough to calm him down. But the Police were not far away and
our 2nd arrest of the season came, in the shape of the pineapple, It was leaking
everywhere anyway. A disappointing result and to boot we nearly miss our train. It's quite
a eventful trip home as we meet some Coventry who don't mind paying over the odds in
our little booze market. A few Rule Britannias and lots of ale, but all good things come to
a end and this is in the shape of filth at Milton Keynes who laid down the ground rules and
declared it a dry train and smashed the booze mush to Gaz's despair. . . well almost all as
we salvaged some. Belter shit himself and Seb was in chat mode. Back in Preston, Blacky
fresh from New Zealand went to the land of nod as the rest of the boys ended in a shock
move by going to Squires.

May:

The season offically finished at Bristol City, but it started with sleeping rough in West Brom and it
damn sure finished in a farce. Blacky, Conway, Gaz and Mash were due to go. With only 15 hours
to go Mash discovered his tax disc was out of date so it was panics stations as we tried to make
alternate arrangements including  3.10am National Express. It ended with Gaz and Conway turning
up to the train station at midday, too late to go Bristol but time for a little jaunt starting with a bottle
of Rose in Warrington. Next stop was Widnes then onto Liverpool were they was brefiending folk
again. It wasn't long before it was a romantic meal for two in a italian but things went a bit tits up
when Gaz + candles + tissue + flame = FIRE. Wasn't long before they was back on ale and upsetting
folk before realising they'd only missed the last train back to blighty. Oh shit was the general
consensus as it was in West Brom, Luckily some guy overheard there plight and offered to take
them home on a coach for free! He was only going Wigan but went out of his way for them. Top
bloke. He even took Gaz's number and sent us back to the pub until he was gonna set off!! It
finished with something a little different . . . a trip to Squires with Nez, Seb and Gordy

June:

We had a decent entourage on this one to the tune of 15 heading to the ODI between England and
New Zealand at Durham. We were to meet at the Preston rugby club early doors and eventually
everyone turned up – just. A pissed up ramble to the top of the moors and the bus driver does a
top turn and we stop off at at a butty shop all the while Gaz is more interested in getting naked by
the side of the road in the spongies. Wasn’t too long before we arrived in Durham, while half the
crew head to find a Cash machineonly to return pissed up 45 overs later - things that a £1.50
beater can do. A few beers in Durham and we
headback and half the group are making “slicks” with there hair and beer. One of our patrons Ed,
is cracking funnies offending everyone with us all in stitches but not so were 75% of the hiers and
graces around us. We eventually get peace and quiet as Cheets falls asleep on the guy infront
after a long informed chat with a Trinidadian behind. The day wears on and the ale and sun starts
to take the better judgement as the atmosphere goes arse over tit encouraging the straight
members feeling they have no option but to go home. It ends with fans being escorted out by the
police, Stewards rushing to outbreaks of new “beer snakes” and fighting leaving 1 plod sparko.
England victorious we head home were Duck ends up with a bust lip, Ed and Lyndon have severe
concussion after heading butting the mini bus and Ed’s also fallen face first in some nettles. This isn’t
before Ed has nearly stolen the fucking mini bus on our return after being tea leaved be Lyndon. Great Scenes all day long
and another season wrapped up.
Mash and Gaz struggling with
the pace
Usual Ale Haul
Zenits Lunatic Fringe - No Money, No
Central Heating, no job . . .
Moscow sight seeing in one
whole 360 degree turn
Suited up Barnsley
bound with the old foe -
ALE
Boob antics at Hull caught in
Nuts
For Those who missed the nation Anthem
like us, this is an Austrians view . . .Just
look at the shock - Priceless
Boys with Bobby - RIP
Delivering a personalised thanks from Mike
Bassett, 24 years to the day that England
trashed the place and was told never ever
would they be allowed back - erhh WRONG!
Nez the fashion victim
The Derby 7
The "Spongies"
How not to order drinks in A Wellington
bar
Preston taking over New Zealand
Blacky and the big man K.P.
No restrictions on Seb's
refreshment trolley going
Charlton
Gay Paree gets a bit manly, well in one corner
anyway
You'd be forgiven to think we
was off Jamaica . . .Well it was
London
Gaz semi naked with an arm in
Widnes
"straight member"
and it must be said what a fucking rum little
season it has been. First things first we survived,
and secondly we have been fairly active on the
International front. The first disaster belonged to
the Wembley game and the second is definitely
them horrendous Spongies.